Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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