Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
