so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
