Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
