You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
