wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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