he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
