If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
