I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
