At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
