I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
