just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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