God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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