Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
