Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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