This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
