i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
