So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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