I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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