Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
