Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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