For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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