I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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