i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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