seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
