She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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