Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
