No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
