Yo dont text me then not text me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
