were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
