Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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