My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Will exercising make me less horny?
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