I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
