; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
