I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
