last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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