Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is Oprah even human
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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