wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
