She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need moral support for this bender
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
