From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I could fuck to npr.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
