Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
