i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
