I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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