No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
