some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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