thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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