Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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