I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
