Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
