i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
